the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
