Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
