Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
