i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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