Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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