where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
