just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
