May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
