don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
