I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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