You're completely useless in the revolution.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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