She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
