As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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