i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
