She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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