I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
