I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
