okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
