Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
