It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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