Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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