my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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