Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
