Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
