I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
