so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
