Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
