Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
