I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
