Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
