I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
