Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
