Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
