Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
