I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
honey bunches of taint.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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