My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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