phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
