The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
