If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
