I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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