I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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