I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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