So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
