I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
