if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
