Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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