3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
