Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
