I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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