did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
