if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
