I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
