just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
