we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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