I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
