yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't just leave with hair like that
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
