this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
