im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
