If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
