that's an acceptable place to lick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You don't make any sense
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