I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
