I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
