I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
