Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
