If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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