Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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