Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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